i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Mom said you looked used
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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