if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
