i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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