Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize