im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize