he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
