What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
