i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
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In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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