The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
