He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
