She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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