Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
