why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
