I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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