i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Fuck me I smell like cheese