my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too