First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.