my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I believe in your delicious