i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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