anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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