i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
