Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
