oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
