On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
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Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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