she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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