I wish my penis had an off switch
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize