A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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