Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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