No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
