You can't special order awesome
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
