Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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