I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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