There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
