I think scott just propositioned me for sex
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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