I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you inspire me to be a worse person
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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