life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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