and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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