With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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