I hate your face
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
