thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
