I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
