Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize