She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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