Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
