The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
