im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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