Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
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Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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