1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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