i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
