Screwed.edu
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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