Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
