When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
