Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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