Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
