5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
