I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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