After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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