you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
