the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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