My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
