the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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