are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
