i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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