Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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