alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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